Iinlodhlelo Zethabo Lomndeni

Ukuphatha Otjhade Naye Ngehlonipho

UWill * uthi: “URachel nekezwe ubuhlungu, ulila isikhathi eside. Nesihlala phasi bona sikhulume, uyasilingeka namtjhana adubhule umlomo. Ayikho into elungako. Ngizizwa kwanga ngizokulahla itewu.”

URachel uthi: “UWill nekafika ekhaya, bengilila. Ngalinga ukumhlathululela bona ngililelani, kodwana akhenge angilinde ngiqede ukukhuluma. Wangitjela bona into ebengiyililela beyingasi yimbi kangako, wathi kufuze ngiyidlulise. Lokho kwangizwisa ubuhlungu obudlula egade ngibuzwile.”

NGEZINYE iinkhathi uzizwa njengoWill namtjhana uRachel? Bobabili bafuna ukukhulumisana, kodwana kanengi bayahlangahlangana. Kubayini kunjalo?

Amadoda nabafazi baneendlela ezingafaniko zokukhulumisana, neentlhogo ezingafaniko. Umfazi angakhanuka ukuhlanganyela iimbonwakhe ngokutjhaphulukileko begodu kanengana. Ngakelinye ihlangothi, amadoda amanengi alinga ukwenza ukuthula ngokurarulula iimraro msinyana nangokubalekela iimraro emkhulu. Nokho, ningakuhlula njani ukungafanokhu begodu nikwazi ukukhulumisana? Ngokuphatha umlinganakho ngehlonipho.

Umuntu onehlonipho ubaphatha kuhle abanye begodu ufuna nokuzwisisa amazizwabo. Kusukela ebuntwaneni, kungenzeka wafunda ukuhlonipha abantu abanegunya elingaphezu kwelakho namtjhana abanokuhlangabezanwe nakho okudlula kwakho. Nokho, emtjhadweni, ubudisi kuhlonipha umuntu olingana nawe—umlinganakho. ULinda osele atjhade iimnyaka ebunane uthi, “Ngiyazi bona uPhil ubalalela ngesineke nokuzwisisa boke abantu abakhuluma naye. Ngifuna bona enze okufanako nakimi.” Ngokufanako, kungenzeka nawe ubalalela ngomusa ukhulume ngehlonipho nabangani ngitjho nanabantu ongabaziko. Kodwana umcabangela ngendlela efanako umlinganakho?

Ukungahloniphani kwenza kungabi nokuthula ekhaya begodu kubanga iimpikiswano ezikulu. Umbusi ohlakaniphileko wathi: “Iintshutshurwana zoburotho obomileko ezidliwa kuthatjiwe zingcono kunomnyanya odliwa lapho boke baphikisana.” (Iziyema 17:1, Contemporary English Version) IBhayibhili ithi indoda kufuze  ihloniphe umkayo. (1 KaPitrosi 3:7) “Umfazi ahloniphe indoda yakhe.”—Kwebe-Efesu 5:33.

Ningakhulumisana njani ngehlonipho? Cabangela isiluleko esisebenzako esifumaneka eBhayibhilini.

Umlinganakho Nekanokuthileko Afuna Ukukutjho

Umraro: Abanye abantu bathanda ukukhuluma kunokulalela. Ungomunye wabo? IBhayibhili ithi usidlhayela umuntu “ophendula indaba ngaphambi kobana ayizwe.” (Iziyema 18:13) Ngalokho, ngaphambi kobana ukhulume, lalela. Kubayini kufuze wenze njalo? UKara oselatjhade iimnyaka ema-26 uthi, “Nginyula nengabe indodakwami ayilingi ukurarulula iimrarwami khonokho. Akutlhogeki nokobana ivumelane nami namtjhana ilinge ukubona bona umraro loyo ubangelwe yini. Ngimane ngifuna ingilalele bese izibeka ebujamweni bami.”

Ngakelinye ihlangothi, amanye amadoda nabafazi bayazaza ukuveza indlela abazizwa ngayo begodu bazizwa bangakatjhaphuluki abalingani babo nebabakatelela bona bakhulume ngamazizwabo. ULorrie osanduk’tjhada wafumana bona indodakwakhe ithatha isikhathi ukuveza amazizwayo. Uthi, “Kufuze ngibekezele begodu ngiyilinde bona ikhulume.”

Isirarululo: Nengabe wena nomlinganakho kufuze nikhulume ngendaba engabangela ukuhlukana, veza indaba lapho nobabili senehlise umoya. Kuthiwani nengabe umlinganakho uyazaza ukukhuluma? Tjheja bona “umcabango womuntu unjengamanzi emthonjeni otjhingako, kodwana umuntu ohlakaniphileko uyakwazi ukuwakhipha.” (Iziyema 20:5, Today’s English Version) Nengabe udosa ithunga msinyana ngemthonjeni, manengi amanzi azokuphalaka. Ngokufanako, nengabe uyamkgharameja umlinganakho, uzozivikela bese lokho kuvala ithuba lokuveza amazizwakhe. Kunalokho, buza iimbuzo ngesineke nangehlonipho, bese uyabekezela nengabe umlinganakho akavezi amazizwakhe ngendlela ongathanda ngayo.

Nengabe umlinganakho uyakhuluma, ‘ulalele msinyana, kodwana ungaphenduli msinyana, ungarhabeli ukusilingeka.’ (KaJakobosi 1:19) Isilaleli esihle siyalalela ingasi ngeendlebe kwaphela kodwana nangehliziyo. Umlinganakho nakhulumako, linga ukuzwisisa amazizwakhe. Umlinganakho uzokubona bona uyamhlonipha—namtjhana awumhloniphi—ngendlela olalela ngayo.

UJesu wasifundisa indlela okufuze silalele ngayo. Isibonelo, indoda egulako neyimbawa bona ayisize, uJesu akhenge awurarulule khonokho umraro loyo. Kokuthoma, walalela isibawo sendoda leyo. Ngemva kwalokho wavumela lokho akuzwako bona kumtjhukumisele esenzweni. Ekugcineni, wayipholisa indoda leyo. (Markosi 1:40-42) Umlinganakho nakhulumako, yenza okufanako. Khumbula bona ufuna isirhawu esisuka ehliziyweni, ingasi isirarululo esirhabako. Ngalokho, lalelisisa. Zifake emanyathelwenakhe. Ngemva kwalokho, sabela eentlhogweni zomlinganakho. Ngokwenza njalo, uzabe utjengisa bona uyamhlonipha umlinganakho.

LINGA NAKU: Ngesikhathi esizako umlinganakho nekakhuluma nawe, kubalekele ukuphendula msinyana. Linda umkakho aqede ukukhuluma bese nawe uyakuzwisisa lokho akutjhoko. Ngemva kwalokho, iya kumkakho bese uyambuza, “Ucabanga bona kwamambala bengikulalele?”

Newunokuthileko Ofuna Ukukutjho

Umraro: ULinda odzubhulwe ngehla uthi, “Amakhomedi enza kubonakale kujayelekile ukukhuluma kumbi ngomlinganakho, ukuthukana nokutshima.” Abanye bakhulele emakhaya lapho kusetjenziswa ikulumo enganahlonipho. Ngokukhamba kwesikhathi, nebatjhadako, bakufumana kubudisi ukubalekela umukghwa lo emndeninabo. U-Ivy ohlala eCanada uyalandisa: “Ngikhulele endaweni lapho ukutshima, ukurhuwelela nokubizana ngamagama aneenswana kuyinto ejayelekileko.”

Isirarululo: Newukhuluma nabanye ngomlinganakho, khuluma, “lokho okulisizo nokwakhako lapha kutlhogeka khona, kulethe isibusiso kwabakuzwako.” (Kwebe-Efesu 4:29)  Khuluma ngomlinganakho ngendlela ezokwenza abanye bamhloniphe.

Ngitjho nalapho ninodwa nomlinganakho, kubalekele ukumtshima nokumbiza ngamaganyana. Kwa-Israyeli wekadeni, uMikhali wakwatela indodakwakhe, iKosi uDavidi. Wakhuluma ngokutshima wathi wenze “njengenye yamadoda anganangqondo.” Amezwakhe amzwisa ubuhlungu uDavidi, begodu akhenge amthabise noZimu. (2 Samuweli 6:20-23) Ngisiphi isifundo esisitholako? Newukhuluma nomlinganakho, khetha amezwakho ngokuhlakanipha. (KwebeKholose 4:6) UPhil oselatjhade iimnyaka ebunane uyavuma bona yena nomkakhe basesenakho ukuphikisana. Uyatjheja bona akutjhoko, ngezinye iinkhathi kwenza ubujamo bube bumbi khulu. “Ngiyatjheja bona ‘ukuhlula’ ipikiswano eqinisweni kutjho ukulahlekelwa. Ngikuthola kwanelisa khulu begodu kuzuzisa ukwakha ubuhlobo bethu.”

Umhlolokazi olupheleko eenkhathini zekadeni wakhuthaza abomalukazana bakhe bona ‘ngamunye afumane indawo yokuphumula ngendlini yendodakwakhe.’ (Rude 1:9) Nengabe bobabili umfazi nendoda bayahloniphana, benza ikhaya labo libe ‘yindawo yokuphumula.’

LINGA NAKU: Ninomlinganakho, bekelani eqadi isikhathi sokucoca ngeemphakamiso ezingaphasi kwesihlokwanesi. Buza umlinganakho: “Nengikhuluma ngawe hlangana nabantu, uzizwa uhlonitjhwa namtjhana unyazwa? Ngimaphi amatjhuguluko engingawenza bona ngithuthukise?” Kwamambala lalela umlinganakho nekaveza amazizwakhe. Linga ukusebenzisa iimphakamiso azitjhoko.

Kwamukele Ukuba Ngohlukileko Komlinganakho

Umraro: Abantu abasanduk’tjhada benza umtjhapho ngokuphetha ngokobana lokho iBhayibhili ekubiza ngokuthi “nyamanye,” kutjho bona isibili kufuze sibe nombono nobuntu obufanako. (Matewu 19:5, NW) Nokho, msinyana bafumana bona ukucabanga okunjalo akusilo iqiniso. Nesele batjhadile, ukungafani kwabo kubangela ukuphikisana. ULinda uthi: “Into esenza sihluke khulu kukobana uPhil akatshwenyeki njengami. Ngesinye isikhathi umane azipholele kungilapho mina ngitshwenyekile, ngalokho ngigcina ngisilingekile ngombana kubonakala kwanga into engitshwenyako yena ayimtshwenyi kangako.”

Isirarululo: Kwamukele ukungafani kwenu, begodu uhloniphe lokho umlinganakho ahluke ngakho kuwe. Ukufanisa: Amehlwakho asebenza ngokuhlukileko kuneendlebe zakho; nanyana kunjalo ziyasebenzisana, ngalokho ungakwazi ukweqa indlela ngokuphepha. U-Adrienne oselatjhade iimnyaka epheze ibe matjhumi amathathu uthi: “Nengabe umbonwethu awuphikisani neLizwi lakaZimu, mina nendodakwami sivumela bona ngamunye abe nombono ohlukileko. Ngaphezu kwakho koke sitjhadile, asisuye umuntu oyedwa.”

Nengabe umlinganakho unombono namtjhana wenza ngendlela engafani neyakho, ungadzimeleli kilokho okukara wena kwaphela. Cabangela amazizo womlinganakho. (KwebeFilipi 2:4) Indoda ka-Adrienne uKyle iyavuma: “Angimzwisisi umkami namtjhana angivumelani neembonwakhe ngaso soke isikhathi. Kodwana ngizikhumbuza bona ngimthanda ngaphezu kombonwami. Nekathabileko, nami ngiyathaba.”

LINGA NAKHU: Yenza irhelo leembono namtjhana indlela yokwenza izinto umlinganakho akudlula ngazo.—KwebeFilipi 2:3.

Ihlonipho ngesinye seenlodlhelo zomtjhado othabileko nohlalako. ULinda uthi, “Ihlonipho iletha ukwaneliseka nokuvikeleka emtjhadweni. Kuyasiza ukuyihlawulela.”

[Umtlolo waphasi]

ZIBUZE . . .

▪ Ukuba ngohlukileko komlinganami kuwuthuthukise njani umndenethu?

▪ Kubayini kukuhle ukuvumelana nombono womlinganami nengabe azikho iinkambisolawulo zeBhayibhili eziphulwako?