NK’UKO ivyavuzwe na John be na Carol bivyerekana, ukuntu umuntu yarezwe birashobora kugira akosho kanini ku kuntu atoza indero abana biwe bwite. Igihe umunega n’umukenyezi baba bakuriye mu miryango itandukanye, birashoboka ko babona ibintu mu buryo butandukanye cane mu bijanye no kurera abana. Rimwe na rimwe, ukwo kutabona ibintu kumwe kuratuma ibere riyaga mu mubano w’abubatse.

Ingorane zirashobora kwunyuka igihe abavyeyi baba bumva barushe cane. Abavyeyi iyo batanguye kuronka abana ntibateba kubona yuko gutoza indero abana ari igikorwa kiruhisha kandi co guhozako. Uwitwa Joan, uno akaba yarareze abakobwa biwe babiri ari kumwe n’umunega wiwe Darren, avuga ati: “Ndakunda abakobwa banje, ariko ni gake cane wasanga bashima kuja kuryama igihe naba nipfuza ko baryamirako. Bavyuka ha taragera. Igihe naba nipfuza kugira ico mvuze baca banciramwo. Ibirato vyabo, impuzu zabo be n’ibikinisho vyabo babisiga hanze kandi ntibigera bakura amasahani aho bafunguriye.”

Uwitwa Jack, uno akaba afise umukenyezi yafashwe na ya ndwara ishobora gufata abakenyezi baherutse kwibaruka (dépression postnatale) inyuma y’aho avyariye umwana agira kabiri, avuga ati: “Akenshi nashika i muhira ndushe cane mvuye ku kazi kandi ngaca mara igice c’ijoro nitwararika uruyoya rwacu. Ivyo vyatumye gutoza indero umukobwa wacu mukuru mu buryo budahindagurika biba urugamba. Yari afise ishari kubera ko tutari tukimwitararika wenyene, ariko twitwararika na mutoya wiwe.”

Igihe abavyeyi baba barushe batumvikanye ku bijanye n’ingene borera umwana, utuntu dutoduto batumvikanyeko twoshobora gucika uguhazuka gukomeye. Ivyo umugabo n’umugore badahurizako biba bitatorewe umuti birashobora gucika ikintu kibatandukanya kikongera kigatuma umwana wabo ashobora kubacanishamwo. None ni ingingo ngenderwako zo muri Bibiliya izihe zofasha abubakanye kuguma bafitaniye ubucuti bwa hafi magingo baba bariko bararera abana babo mu buryo bugira ico buvamwo?

Umubano w’ababiranye ukwiye gutangura abana bataravuka, kandi ukwiye kugumaho n’inyuma cane y’aho abana baba bamaze kuva i muhira. Ku bijanye n’umubano w’ababiranye, Bibiliya ivuga iti: “Ico Imana yaboheye ku ngǒgo imwe, umuntu ntakagitanye.” (Matayo 19:6) Igitandukanye n’ivyo, ico canditswe nyene cerekana ko Imana yategekanije ko umwana yohavuye “[asiga] se na nyina.” (Matayo 19:5) Mu vy’ukuri, ukurera abana ni kimwe gusa mu bintu bigize umubano w’ababiranye, si ryo shimikiro ryawo. Ego ni ko, ibijanye no kurera abana abavyeyi barakeneye kubironderera umwanya, ariko barakwiye kwibuka ko umubano w’ababiranye ukomeye ari co kintu ciza gusumba ibindi bokwubakirako kugira ngo babigire.

Ni mu buryo bumwe ubuhe abubakanye bashobora gutuma ubucuti bafitaniye buguma bukomeye mu kiringo co kurera abana? Niba bishoboka, nimwame mutegekanya akanya mwomarana mutari kumwe n’abana. Kubigenza gutyo bizobaronsa akaryo ko kuganira ku bibazo bihambaye vyerekeye umuryango n’ako guhimbarirwa ukuba muri kumwe. Tuvugishije ukuri, kugira ngo abubakanye baronke umwanya bomara bari kumwe si ikintu coroshe. Alison, umwe inabibondo twamara kuvuga, agira ati: “Igihe nyene biba biboneka ko jewe n’umunega wanje twari turonse akanya na gatoyi twomara turi kumwe, uza ubona hari ico agakobwa kacu k’agahererezi gakeneye ko twogafasha canke ako dufise kamaze imyaka itandatu ukumva ngo kagize ingorane, nk’akarorero kakaba kabuze amakaramu yako y’igiti yo gusiga amabara.”

Joan na Darren, bamwe twamaze kuvuga, bararondeye umwanya bomara bari kumwe mu gushingira udukobwa twabo igihe dukwiye kuba twagiye kuryama. Joan avuga ati: “Udukobwa twacu twasabwa imisi yose kuba twamaze kuryama ku gihe cashinzwe kandi bakaba bazi ko duca tuzimya amatara. Ivyo vyatumye jewe na Darren turonka akanya ko kumira amate no kuganira.”

Igihe abubakanye bashingiye abana babo igihe co kuryamirako kidahindagurika, ntibaronka gusa umwanya bomara bari kumwe ariko kandi barafasha umwana “kutiyumvira ko ahambaye kuruta uko abwirizwa kwiyumvira.” (Abaroma 12:3) Abana bamenyerejwe kwubahiriza amategeko ajanye n’igihe co kuja kuryama barahava bagatahura yuko naho bafise ikibanza gihambaye mu muryango atari bo ushingiyeko, ni ukuvuga ko bategerezwa kwisunga urutonde rwo mu muryango aho kwitega ko urwo rutonde ruba ari rwo rwisunga ivyo baba bipfuza.

Umugani umwe uranga ubukerebutsi ugira uti: “Mwana wanje, umva inyigisho ya so, kandi ntute  ibgirizwa rya nyoko.” (Imigani 1:8) Uwo murongo wo muri Bibiliya werekana yuko sebibondo na inabibondo bompi bafise uburenganzira bwo gukoresha ubukuru bafise ku bana babo. Yamara rero, n’igihe mbere abubakanye boba bakuriye mu miryango ivyayo vyari vyifashe kumwe, boshobora kudahuza ku bijanye n’ingene umwana akwiye gutozwa indero no ku bijanye n’amategeko yo mu muryango akwiye gukurikizwa mu gihe ibintu vyifashe ukunaka. Ni gute none abavyeyi botorera umuti iyo ngorane?

John, umwe twamara kuvuga, agira ati: “Kwirinda kutavuga rumwe imbere y’abana mbona yuko ari ikintu gihambaye.” Ariko rero, aremera yuko ukunama rimwe vyoroshe kuvuga kuruta kubikora. John avuga kandi ati: “Abana barabona ibintu cane. Mbere n’igihe tutaba twaseruye ko hari ivyo tutumvikanako, agakobwa kacu karashobora kuvyiyumvamwo.”

None John na Alison batorera gute umuti iyo ngorane? Alison avuga ati: “Iyo ntumvikanye n’umunega wanje ku bijanye n’uburyo akosora agakobwa kacu, ndarindira gushika kari aho kadashobora kutwumva kugira ngo nsigure uko mbona ibintu. Sinshaka ko kiyumvira yuko gashobora kuducanishamwo gafatiye ku vyo tudahurizako. Igihe kabonye ko hari ivyo tudahurizako, ndakabwira yuko umwumwe wese mu bagize umuryango abwirizwa gukurikiza indinganizo Yehova yashizeho be n’uko nyobokera ubukuru bwa se ndabigiranye umutima ukunze nk’uko na ko nyene gakwiye kuyobokera ubukuru dufise bwa bavyeyi.” (1 Abakorinto 11:3; Abanyefeso 6:1-3) John avuga ati: “Igihe tuba turi kumwe uko tugize umuryango, mu bisanzwe ni jewe nja imbere mu vyo gukosora abakobwa bacu. Ariko iyo Alison ari we amenyereye kuruta ikintu kinaka kiba cabaye, ndareka akaba ari we atangura kubatoza indero maze nkaca ndamushigikira. Igihe hari ico ntahurijeko na we, turaheza tukabiganira mu nyuma.”

None ushobora gute kwirinda ngo ivyo udahurizako n’uwo mwubakanye mu bijanye no kurera abana ntibitume mugiriranira umujinya, maze bigatuma icubahiro abana babafitiye gitituka?

Ata gukeka, kurera abana ni igikorwa kitoroshe. Rimwe na rimwe, ico gikorwa coshobora gusa n’ikinaniza cane. Ariko rero impera n’imperuka, abana banyu bazosohoka urugo, muce mwumva musubiye kuba nk’abageni. None ubucuti bwo mu mubano wanyu w’ababiranye bwoba buzokomezwa canke buzotiturwa n’ukuba mwarareze abana? Inyishu izovana n’ukuntu mushira mu ngiro ingingo ngenderwako dusanga mu Musiguzi 4:9, 10, ahagira hati: “Babiri baruta umwe, kuko baronka impēra ku bg’ubutame bgabo. Kuk’umwe ni yatemba mugenzi we azomuvyura.”

Igihe abavyeyi basenyera ku mugozi umwe, harashobora kuvamwo ivyiza bishimishije cane. Carol, umwe twamara kuvuga, araserura uko yiyumva muri aya majambo: “Nari nsanzwe nzi ko umunega wanje afise kamere nyinshi nziza, ariko kurera abana mfadikanije na we vyaranyeretse izindi kamere nyinshi afise. Icubahiro ndamufitiye be n’urukundo ndamukunda vyagiye birongerekana ukwo nitegereza ukuntu yitwararikana urukundo abakobwa bacu.” John avuga ku bijanye na Alison ati: “Kubona ukuntu umukenyezi wanje yacitse inabibondo yitwararikana vyatumye ndamugirira urukundo be n’icubahiro bigera kure.”

Niwarondera umwanya womara uri kumwe n’uwo mwubakanye kandi mugakorana mufatanye mu nda mu kiringo co kurera abana, umubano wanyu w’ababiranye uzorushiriza gukomera uko abana banyu bazogenda barakura. None wumva hari akandi karorero keza gusumba ako woha abana bawe?