NIBA nawe urera abana b’ingimbi n’abangavu, ushobora kuba wumva umeze nk’abo babyeyi tumaze kuvuga. Mu gihe cyahise, ushobora kuba waraganiraga n’umwana wawe, wagira icyo umubaza agahita agusubiza. None ubu ukaba umuvugisha akakwihorera. Hari umubyeyi wo mu Butaliyani witwa Angela wagize ati “igihe umwana wanjye yari akiri muto, yakundaga kumbaza ibibazo byinshi. Ariko ubu ni jye ugomba kubanza kumuvugisha. Iyo ntabikoze, hashobora gushira iminsi nta kintu gifatika tuvuganye.”

Nk’uko byagendekeye Angela, nawe ushobora kuba ubona ko umwana wawe wahoze akunda gushyikirana, yabaye ingimbi cyangwa umwangavu agatangira kujya avuga make. Ushobora gushyiraho imihati myinshi kugira ngo muganire, ariko akagusubiza amagambo make. Ushobora kubaza umuhungu wawe uti “uyu munsi wiriwe ute?” Agahita agusubiza ati “neza.” Wabaza umukobwa wawe uti “uyu munsi ku ishuri nta kibazo wagize?” Akagusubiza atakwitayeho ati “nta cyo.” Wagerageza kongera gutangira ikiganiro ugira ngo akubwire byinshi, noneho akaruca akarumira.

Birumvikana ko hari abana b’ingimbi n’abangavu baba badafite ikibazo cyo kuvuga, ariko nanone bakavuga ibyo ababyeyi babo badashaka kumva. Umubyeyi wo muri Nijeriya witwa Edna yagize ati “iyo nasabaga umukobwa wanjye gukora ikintu runaka, yakundaga kunsubiza ati ‘mpa amahoro.’” Ramón wo muri Megizike na we yavuze ibintu bisa n’ibyo ku birebana n’umuhungu we w’imyaka 16. Yagize ati “hafi buri munsi duterana amagambo. Iyo musabye gukora ikintu runaka, atangira kumpa impamvu z’urwitwazo zituma atagikora.”

Gushyikirana n’umwana w’ingimbi cyangwa umwangavu udashaka kuvuga, bishobora kubera ababyeyi ikigeragezo. Bibiliya ivuga ko “aho inama itari imigambi ipfa ubusa” (Imigani 15:22). Umubyeyi wo mu Burusiya witwa Anna urera abana wenyine yaravuze ati “iyo ntazi icyo umwana wanjye atekereza, ndarakara cyane ku buryo numva narira.” Kuki abana n’ababyeyi bagenda bareka gushyikirana kandi ibyo ari ibintu by’ingenzi cyane?

Gushyikirana si ukuvuga gusa. Yesu yavuze ko “ibyuzuye umutima ari byo akanwa kavuga” (Luka 6:45). Bityo rero, gushyikirana neza bituma tugira ibyo twigira ku bandi kandi bigatuma natwe twimenya. Kugira ngo abana b’ingimbi n’abangavu bavuge ikibari ku mutima bishobora kugorana, kubera ko iyo batangiye kugimbuka, n’abajyaga bavuga bashobora kugira batya bagatangira kujya bagira amasonisoni.  Hari abahanga bavuze ko muri rusange, abana b’ingimbi n’abangavu baba bumva ko abantu bose bakurikiranira hafi ibyo bakora n’ibyo bavuga, bakumva bameze nk’abakinnyi b’ikinamico bahora kuri podiyumu abantu babahanze amaso. Bityo rero, hari abana b’ingimbi n’abangavu bumva ko aho kugira ngo abantu bahore bakurikiranira hafi ibyo bakora, ibyiza ari uko bakwishyiriraho imipaka, bagasa n’abishyize mu kato, ku buryo ababyeyi babo batazajya bapfa gushyikirana na bo ku buryo bworoshye.

Indi nzitizi ishobora kubangamira imishyikirano ababyeyi bagirana n’abana babo b’ingimbi n’abangavu, ni uko abo bana baba bashaka kwigenga. Ibyo nta cyo wabihinduraho kubera ko ubwo umwana wawe aba arimo akura, kandi muri uko gukura hakaba hakubiyemo no kumva ko we ubwe yihagije. Ariko ibyo ntibivuga ko umwana wawe w’ingimbi cyangwa umwangavu aba ashaka kuva mu rugo ngo ajye kwibana. Icyo gihe rero ni bwo aba abakeneye cyane. Umuntu atangira kumva ko yihagije akiri ingimbi cyangwa umwangavu. Uko abana b’ingimbi n’abangavu bagenda bakura, abenshi bahitamo kwihererana ibintu mbere y’uko bagaragariza abandi ibyo batekereza.

Ariko kandi, abo bana bashobora kutagira icyo bahisha urungano rwabo. Hari umubyeyi wo muri Megizike witwa Jessica wabyiboneye. Yaravuze ati “igihe umukobwa wanjye yari akiri muto cyane, iyo yagiraga ikibazo yarakimbwiraga. Ariko ubu ajya kukibwira incuti ze.” Niba n’umwana wawe ari ko ameze, ntuzibwire ko “yakwanze.” Ahubwo, ubushakashatsi bwagaragaje ko abana b’ingimbi n’abangavu babona ko inama bahabwa n’ababyeyi babo ari zo z’ingenzi kurusha izo bahabwa n’incuti zabo, nubwo basa n’aho batabyemera. None se wakora iki kugira ngo ukomeze gushyikirana n’abana bawe bari muri icyo kigero?

Tuvuge ko utwaye imodoka mu muhanda munini, muremure kandi ugororotse. Ushobora gukora ibirometero byinshi ugenda ukaraga diregisiyo buhoro buhoro. Ariko hari igihe ugira utya ukagera mu ikorosi rikomeye. Kugira ngo imodoka idata umuhanda, nta kindi ukora uretse gukaraga diregisiyo ukurikije uko ikorosi rimeze. Ni na ko bigenda iyo umwana amaze kugimbuka. Birashoboka ko uba umaze imyaka myinshi uhindura utuntu duto cyane ku buryo ukoresha urera umwana wawe. Ariko iyo amaze kugimbuka, ni nk’aho ubuzima bwe buba bugeze mu ikorosi rikomeye. Icyo gihe rero uba ugomba guhindura uburyo bwo gushyikirana na we nk’uko ukaraga diregisiyo y’imodoka iyo ugeze mu ikorosi. Ibaze ibibazo bikurikira:

“Ese iyo umuhungu cyangwa umukobwa wanjye ashatse ko tuganira, mba niteguye gushyikirana na we?” Bibiliya igira iti “ijambo ryizihiye rivuzwe mu gihe gikwiriye, ni nk’amatunda y’izahabu ku mbehe y’ifeza” (Imigani 25:11). Nk’uko uyu murongo ubigaragaza, ibanga ryo gushyikirana ni ukumenya igihe gikwiriye. Reka dufate urugero: umuhinzi ntashobora kwihutisha igihe cy’isarura, kandi ntashobora kugitinza. Iyo icyo gihe kigeze, akora uko ashoboye kose kugira ngo kitamucika nta cyo arakora. Birashoboka ko hari igihe umwana wawe w’ingimbi cyangwa umwangavu aba ashaka kuganira. Ubwo rero icyo gihe ntukacyiteshe. Umubyeyi wo muri Ositaraliya witwa Frances urera abana wenyine agira ati “incuro nyinshi, umukobwa wanjye yazaga nijoro mu cyumba ndaramo, rimwe na rimwe tukamarana nk’isaha tuganira. Kubera ko ntakunda kuryama nkererewe, ntibyabaga byoroshye. Ariko kandi, muri ayo masaha akuze ni bwo twaganiraga ibintu byose.”

‘Ese uretse ibyo ambwira, naba nshobora gutahura n’ibyo atavuze?’ Muri Yobu 12:11 hagira hati “mbese ugutwi si ko kurobanura amagambo, nk’uko akanwa kumva ibyokurya?” Muri icyo gihe uba ukeneye cyane “kurobanura” amagambo umuhungu wawe cyangwa umukobwa wawe akubwiye. Incuro nyinshi abana b’ingimbi n’abangavu bavuga ibintu bibwira ko ari ukuri. Urugero, umuhungu wawe cyangwa umukobwa wawe ashobora kuvuga ati “buri gihe umfata nk’aho ndi umwana!” cyangwa akavuga ati “nta na rimwe ujya unyumva!” Aho kujya impaka ku magambo ngo “buri gihe” cyangwa ngo “nta na rimwe,” jya uzirikana ko umwana wawe ashobora kuba atari byo yashakaga  kuvuga. Urugero, iyo umwana avuze ati “buri gihe umfata nk’aho ndi umwana,” ashobora kuba ashaka kuvuga ati “mbona utajya ungirira icyizere.” Naho yavuga ati “nta na rimwe ujya unyumva,” akaba ashaka kuvuga ati “ni ukuri ndashaka kukubwira ukuntu numva meze.” Jya ugerageza gutahura icyihishe inyuma y’amagambo umwana wawe avuze.

“Ese naba mbangamira imishyikirano ngirana n’umwana wanjye ntabizi ngerageza kumuhatira kuvuga?” Bibiliya igira iti “imbuto zo gukiranuka zibibwa mu mahoro, zikabibirwa abaharanira amahoro” (Yakobo 3:18). Jya ‘ubiba mu mahoro’ binyuze mu magambo yawe no mu myifatire yawe, bityo umwana wawe w’ingimbi cyangwa umwangavu azumva akwisanzuyeho, yumve icyo akubwira. Ibuka ko ari wowe muvugizi w’umwana wawe. Bityo rero, igihe umuganiriza ntugakoreshe ijwi nk’iry’umushinjacyaha ushaka guhamya umuntu icyaha. Umubyeyi wo muri Koreya witwa Ahn agira ati “umubyeyi uzi ubwenge ntabwira umwana ngo ‘ariko se nk’ubwo uzakura ryari?’ cyangwa ngo ‘nzahora nkubwira ngeze ryari?’” Uwo mubyeyi yakomeje agira ati “nyuma yo gukora amakosa menshi ameze nk’ayo, naje kubona ko abana banjye barakazwaga n’ukuntu nabavugishaga, ndetse n’ibyo nababwiraga.”

Gushyikirana n’abana b’ingimbi n’abangavu birashoboka. Jya uhindura uburyo ushyikirana n’abana bawe ukurikije ibikenewe. Jya uganira n’abandi babyeyi bashoboye kujya bashyikirana n’abana babo (Imigani 11:14). Mu gihe ushyikirana n’umuhungu wawe cyangwa umukobwa wawe, ‘jya wihutira kumva ariko utinde kuvuga, kandi utinde kurakara’ (Yakobo 1:19). Ikirenze ibyo, ntuzigere ugabanya imihati ushyiraho urera abana bawe b’ingimbi n’abangavu, ‘ubahana nk’uko Yehova ashaka kandi ubatoza kugira imitekerereze nk’iye.’—Abefeso 6:4..