MAMUNA unango adaferwa asalemba: “Pikhakhala ine mwanang’ono ku Inglatera, ndapfunziswa kukhonda pangiza mabvero anga pakweca. Pikhabva ine kupha, ndisakumbuka kuti babanga, wakuti akhali nyankhondo, andipanga mbakaluma mano kuti: ‘Leka lira!’ Ine nkhabe kumbuka khala ntsiku inango mama ampswompswona peno akhumbatira anace (ife tikhali ana anai). Ndikhali na piaka 56 pyakubalwa mudaona ine babanga mbakafa. Ndakhala wakuluza kakamwe. Mbwenye, pakutoma, nee ndakwanisa kulira.”

M’mbuto zinango, anthu asapangiza mabvero awo pakweca. Angakomerwa peno angatsukwala, anango asadziwa kuti iwo asapibva tani. Kukhundu inango, m’mbuto zinango za dziko yapantsi, makamaka kumulolo kwa Europa na ku Britanya, anthu, makamaka amuna, asapfunziswa kubisa mabvero awo, kuti akhonde kuapangiza, kukhala nkhope gugudu peno kukhala pyawo mulomo phoo. Natenepa, imwe mungaluza nyakufunika wanu, kodi mphyakuipa kupangiza kutsukwala kwanu? Kodi Biblya isalonganji thangwi ya pyenepi?

Biblya yalembwa na Ahebere a cisa ca kumabulukira dzuwa kwa Mediteraniani, akuti akhali anthu akupangiza mabvero awo. Iyo iri na pitsanzo pizinji pya anthu adapangiza pakweca mabvero awo. Mambo Davide alira thangwi ya kuphiwa kwa mwanace Amnoni. Inde, iye ‘alira pikulu pyene.’ (2 Samwele 13:28-39) Iye atsukwalambo ngakhale pakufa kwa mwanace adansandukira, Absaloni, ule adayesera kumpokosera umambo wace. Mbiri ya Biblya isatipanga: “Tenepa mambo adzudzumika, akwira n’chete mbalira. Akhalonga: ‘Mwananga Absaloni, mwananga Absaloni! Thangwi yanji ndakhonda kufa ndine pa mbuto yako? Absaloni, mwananga, mwananga’!” (2 Samwele 19:1[18:33, Tradução do Novo Mundo]) Davide alira ninga munalira ababa anango onsene. Ndi maulendo angasi ananyerezera anyakubala kuti mphyadidi iwo kufa mbuto mwa anawo! Pisaoneka ninga pyokhonda khala pyacibaliro kutoma kufa mwana anyakubalace mbasati.

Kodi Yezu acitanji mudafa xamwali wace Lazaro? Alira mukhafendedzera iye pa nthumbi. (Jwau 11:30-38) M’kupita kwa nzidzi, Mariya Madalena alira mukhafendedzera iye pa nthumbi ya Yezu. (Jwau 20:11-16) Mwandimomwene, Nkristu anadziwa pya cidikhiro ca Biblya ca kulamuka muli akufa nkhabe tsukwala mbakhonda matamisika, ninga munacita ale  anasowa phata yadidi ya Biblya ya pinakhulupira iwo thangwi ya nkhaliro wa anyakufa. Mbwenye ninga munthu wamabvero akulandana na anthu anango, Nkristu wandimomwene, maseze akhale na cidikhiro ca kulamuka muli akufa, asatsukwala na asalira angaferwa na nyakufunika wace.—1 Atesalonika 4:13, 14.

Ndiye tani mphapo matsukwaliro athu a lero? Kodi musaona kukhala pyakunensa peno pyamanyadzo kupangiza mabvero anu? Kodi maphungu asalonganji? Maonero awo a ntsiku zino kazinji kene asapangiza udziwisi wakale unagumanika m’Biblya. Iwo asalonga kuti tisafunika kupangiza kutsukwala kwathu, tayu kukubisa. Pyenepi pisatikumbusa amuna akukhulupirika akale, ninga Yobe, Davide, na Yeremiya akuti mapangiziro a kutsukwala kwawo asagumanika m’Biblya. Mwandimomwene iwo hadabisa tayu kutsukwala kwawo. Natenepa, si pyanzeru tayu kuthaukirana na anthu anango. (Misangani 18:1) Mwandimomwene, kutsukwala kusapangizwa m’njira zakusiyana-siyana  m’mbuto zakusiyana-siyana, pontho pisanyindira pikhulupiro pya mauphemberi pinatawirwa na anthu azinji. a

Ndiye tani mphapo khala musafuna kulira? Kulira ndi nkhundu yacibaliro ca munthu. Kumbukani pontho m’nzidzi udafa Lazaro, kuti Yezu ‘adzuma mu ntima mwache mbalirambo.’ (Jwau 11:33, 35) Natenepa iye apangiza kuti kulira ndi mabvero acibaliro angafa nyakufunika wathu.

Pyenepi ndipyo pidabva mama unango, Anne, adaluza mwanace wankazi Rachel thangwi ya Utenda Unapha Ana Mwanzidzidzi. Mamunace alonga: “Cinthu cakudzumatirisa ndi cakuti ine na Anne nee talira pa kuikhwa kwa mwana. Anthu anango onsene akhalira.” Thangwi ya pyenepi, Anne atawira: “Inde, mbwenye ine ndalira kakamwe. Ntsiku inango mukhakhala ine ndekha m’nyumba, masumana mangasi pakumala citika ngobzi ineyi, pyenepi pyandipha ntima kakamwe. Ndalira ntsiku yamumphu. Ndisanyerezera kuti kulira kweneku kwandiphedza. Ine ndalulupirwa na kucita pyenepi. Ndikhafunika kulira kufa kwa mwananga. Ndisakhulupira kuti anthu akutsukwala asafunika kusiyiwa kuti alire. Maseze anango angakwanise kulonga kuti ‘Lekani kulira,’ mwandimomwene pyenepi nkhabe phedza.”

Kodi anthu anango asapibva tani angathabuka thangwi ya kuluza nyakufunika wawo? Mwacitsanzo, onani Juanita. Iye asadziwa kuti kuluza mwana kusabvekanji. Iye ataya mimba kaxanu mokhonda funa. Iye adzakhala pontho na mimba. Mbwenye mudakhazikwa iye ku nyumba ya ungumi thangwi ya cidengwa ca motokala, iye adzudzumika. Pakupita masumana mawiri iye atoma kukhukhunya—nzidzi mbusati kufika. Mokhonda dembuka abala Vanessa—mbwenye iye nee akhafika kilu ibodzi tayu. Juanita asakumbuka: “Ine ndakomerwa. Ndikhali mama!”

Mbwenye kukomerwa kwace nee kwapholosa tayu. Pakupita ntsiku zinai Vanessa afa. Juanita  asakumbuka: “Ndakhala wakuluza kakamwe. Nee ndikhali pontho mama. Ndabva kuti ciripo cikhasoweka mwa ine. Pyandipha ntima kakamwe kubwerera kunyumba mbindipita m’kwartu yakuti ife tikhadaisasanyira Vanessa mbindiona nguwo zikhadamgulira ine. M’nthanda zakutowerera ine ndikhanyerezera ntsiku idabalwa iye. Nee ndikhafuna kukhala na anthu anango pabodzi tayu.”

Kodi anewa ndi mabvero akusowa madire? Panango pingakhale pyakunensa kuti anango apibvesese, mbwenye ale adatamba nyatwa zenezi, ninga Juanita, asalonga kuti atsukwala thangwi ya anawo ninga mbadatsukwala thangwi ya kufa kwa munthu adakhala maso m’nzidzi uzinji. Iwo asalongambo kuti mwana asafuniwa na anyakubalace nzidzi uzinji iye mbasati kubalwa. Pana kubverana kwakupambulika kwa mwana na mace. Mwana unoyu angafa, mace asabva kuti munthu wandimomwene aluzika. Pyenepi ndipyo pinafunika kuti anthu anango apibvesese.

Mama unango apangiza kutsukwala kwace mudafokotoza iye kuti mwanace wamamuna wa piaka pitanthatu afa mwanzidzidzi thangwi ya utenda wa ntima wakubalwa nawo. “Ine ndikhali na mabvero akusiyana-siyana—dzumba, kukhonda khulupira, kupasika mulando na kuipirwa na mamunanga pabodzi na dotoro thangwi iwo nee adzindikira kukula kwa utenda wace.”

Kuipirwa kungakwanise kukhala cidzindikiro cinango ca kutsukwala. Munthu angakwanise kuipirwa na adotoro na akonzi anango, mbanyerezera kuti iwo akhafunika kucita pizinji m’kutsalakana ule adafa. Peno munthu angakwanise kuipirwa na axamwali pabodzi na acibale anaoneka ninga asalonga peno asacita pinthu pyakuipa. Anango asaipirwa na nyakufa thangwi yakukhonda tsalakana ungumi wace. Stella asalonga: “Ndisakumbuka kuti ndaipirwa na mamunanga thangwi ndikhadziwa kuti iye mbadacita cinthu cakusiyana. Iye akhaduwala maningi, mbwenye apwaza cenjezo ya adotoro.” M’midzidzi inango munthu asaipirwa na nyakufa thangwi kufa kwace kusabweresa thabu kwa ule anasala maso.

Anango asapasika mulando thangwi yakuipirwa—nkhubveka kuti iwo asakonweseka thangwi ya kubva kuti aipirwa. Anango asapasika mulando thangwi ya kufa kwa nyakufunika wawo. Iwo asanyerezera: “Iye nee mbadafa tayu mbidakhala kuti ndaenda naye kwa dotoro nzidzi mbuciripo” peno “mbidakhala  kuti ndaenda naye kwa dotoro unango” peno “mbidakhala kuti ndamphedza kutsalakana mwadidi ungumi wace.”

Anango asapasika mulando wakupiringana pidalongwa apa, makamaka khala nyakufunika wawo afa mwanzidzidzi, mokhonda dikhira. Iwo asatoma kukumbuka midzidzi idaipirwa peno idatikanizana iwo na nyakufa. Panango angabve kuti nee acita pyonsene pikhafunika iwo kucitira nyakufa.

Kutsukwala m’nzidzi uzinji kwa amama azinji kusapangiza pinalonga anyakudziwa azinji, kuti kuluza mwana kusabweresa kusowa kwa kwenda na kwenda m’umaso wa anyakubala, makamaka kwa mace.

Kuferwa na nzanu wamuukwati ndi nyatwa inango, makamaka khala mwaphata naye basa m’umaso waphinga. Pyenepi pingakwanise kubveka kumala kwa umaso udakhala iwo pabodzi, maulendo adacita iwo pabodzi, basa na masenzekero adacita iwo pabodzi.

Eunice asafokotoza pidacitika mudafa mamunace mwanzidzidzi thangwi ya kulimira kwa ntima kuphata basa. “Pa sumana yakutoma, mabvero anga akhala ninga asiya kuphata basa. Nee ndakwanisa kubva kukoma peno kugwadira kwa pyakudya. Ndabalalika nzeru. Nakuti ndikhali na mamunanga mudayesera akonzi kumuwangisa m’kuphatisira  CPR na mitombwe, nee ndapenula tayu kuti iye afadi. Mbwenye ndaipirwa kakamwe, ninga ndikhaona motokala kutherezeka pa phiri mbindikhonda cita cinthu towera kuutsidzikiza.”

Kodi iye alira? “Inde ndalira, makamaka mukhaleri ine madzana a matsamba acithondoso adatambira ine. Ndalira pakutambira tsamba ibodzi na ibodzi. Pyenepi pyandiphedza kudokesa dzuwa. Mbwenye nkhabepo cinthu cakuti mbicidakwanisa kundiphedza mukhabvunzwa ine mwakubwereza-bwereza pya mabvero anga. Mwandimomwene, ndikhali wakutsukwala kakamwe.”

Kodi ndi ninji cidaphedza Eunice kupirira kutsukwala kwace? Iye asalonga: “Mokhonda dziwa, ndasankhula kupitiriza na umaso wanga. Mbwenye cinthu cakuti ciciri kundiphesa ntima ndi kukumbuka kuti mamunanga, wakuti akhafuna kakamwe umaso, nee alipobve towera kutsanzaya nawo.”

Alembi a bukhu yakuti Leavetaking—When and How to Say Goodbye (Kupangana—Nzidzi Na Njira Yakugonekana) asapasa uphungu uyu: “Lekani tawirisa kuti anango akupangeni pinafunika imwe kucita peno njira yakupangiza mabvero anu. Matsukwaliro a anthu asasiyana. Anango angakwanise kunyerezera—mbakupangani pinanyerezera iwo—kuti imwe muli kutsukwala maka peno nkhabe tsukwala maningi. Alekerereni mbamupiduwala pinalonga iwo. M’kuyesera kucita pinalonga anango peno mbumba ya anthu, imwe muli kucimwanisa kuenda kwanu kutsogolo towera kudzakhala pontho na mabvero adidi.”

Mwandimomwene, anthu akusiyana asathimbana na kutsukwala kwawo m’njira zakusiyana. Ife nee tisayesera tayu kulonga kuti ntundu ubodzi wa matsukwaliro ndi wadidi kupiringana unango mwa anthu onsene. Mbwenye, iripo ngobzi munthu wakutsukwala angacimwana kutawira pidacitika mbapirira. Panango munthu unoyu angafune ciphedzo ca axamwali akubvera ntsisi. Biblya isalonga: “Xamwali anakufuna midzidzi yonsene, iye ndi mbale ntsiku ya nyatwa.” Natenepa, lekani gopa kuphemba ciphedzo, kugopa kulonga na kugopa kulira.—Misangani 17:17.

Kutsukwala ndi mabvero acibaliro a munthu wakuferwa, na si pyakuipa tayu kupangiza kutsukwala kwanu kwa anango. Mbwenye alipo mabvunzo anango anafuna matawiro: ‘Kodi ndinakhala tani na kutsukwala kwanga? Kodi mphyacibaliro kupasika mulando na kuipirwa? Kodi ndinathimbana tani na mabvero anewa? Kodi ndi ninji cinafuna kundiphedza kupirira kuluza munthu na kutsukwala?’ Khundu yakutowerera inadzatawira mabvunzo anewa na anango.