4

Zyintu Zyone Nzyomweelede Kuzyiba Kujatikizya Kulekana

Bamana kwiilanga-langa ŋanda yabo iiyanda kuwa, bamukamwini balasala cakucita—kwiimwaya buyo naa kwiibambulula.

SENA lukwatano lwenu mbolubede oobu? Ambweni ngomukwetene limwi wakacita cintu cakapa kuti muleke kumusyoma naa kuzwangana lyoonse kwamupa kuti kamutakkomene mulukwatano lwenu. Ikuti kakuli boobo, mulakonzya kwaamba kuti, ‘Tatuciyandani’ naa ‘Tiitwakabambilwa kukkala antoomwe’ naa kuti ‘Tiitwakazyi ncotwakali kucita ciindi notwakakwatana.’ Alimwi mulakonzya kutalika kuyeeya kuti, ‘Ambweni tulekane buyo.’

Muciindi cakufwambaana kusala kuti mulekane, mweelede kukkala ansi akuyeeya. Ikulekana talili lyoonse nokumana mapenzi muntu ngajisi. Muciindi caboobo, ikanji-kanji kuletela buyo musyobo umbi wamapenzi. Mubbuku lyabo litegwa The Good Enough Teen, ba Dr. Brad Sachs bacenjezya kuti: “Banabukwetene ibayanda kulekana balombozya buumi bubotu—kumaninina kwamapenzi, kuba aluumuno akuliiba. Kulombozya ooku takugwasyi, mbubonya mbocitagwasyi kulombozya lukwatano lunyina mapenzi.” Aboobo, cilayandika kapati ikuzyiba zyintu zijatikizidwe mukulekana alimwi akwaalanga munzila yeelede makani aaya.

Ncolyaamba Bbaibbele Kujatikizya Kulekana

Ibbaibbele talyaaubyi-ubyi pe makani aakulekana. Lyaamba kuti ikulekana kakunyina akaambo kaya koomoonga, ambweni akaambo kakuyanda kuti umwi akwate naa akwatwe kumuntu umbi, Jehova ukubona kuti ndweeno alimwi ndunya. (Malaki 2:13-16) Banabukwetene tabeelede kulekana pe. (Matayo 19:6) Bunji bwabantu ibakalekana akaambo katwaambo tutakwe ankotuya, nobatakacita oobo ikuti nobakali bantu balekelelana.—Matayo 18:21, 22.

Kulubazu lumwi, mu Bbaibbele kuli buyo kaambo komwe ikazumizya bantu kulekana akukwata naa kukwatwa kumuntu umbi—bumambi. (Matayo 19:9) Aboobo, ikuti ngomukwetene limwi wacita bumambi, mulaangulukide kulekana. Taakwe muntu weelede kumusalila cakucita, alimwi cibalo eeci tiicakalembelwa kuti cimusalile cakucita pe. Kumamanino aazyoonse, ndinywe nomuya kujatikizyigwa azyintu ziyakutobela; aboobo mweelede kulisalila cakucita nobeni.—Ba-Galatiya 6:5.

Nokuba boobo, Ibbaibbele lyaamba kuti: “Muntu uucenjede ulayeeya kabotu kweenda kwakwe.” (Tusimpi 14:15) Aboobo, nokuba kuti muli akaambo ikazumizyidwe mu Magwalo, inga cabota kuti mwasaanguna kuyeeyesya zyintu zikonzya kucitika ikuti mwabweza ntaamu yakulekana. (1 Ba-Korinto 6:12) Ba David, ibakkala ku Britain, bakaamba kuti: “Bamwi bayeeya kuti beelede kusala cakufwambaana. Pele kweelana  azyakandicitikila, ndiyeeya kuti cilayandika kukkala ansi akuyeeya zyintu zyoonse zijatikizyidwe.” *

Atulange-lange twaambo tone tuyandika ntomweelede kukkalila ansi akuyeeya. Notulanga-langa twaambo ootu, amubone kuti bantu boonse ibakalekana ibaambwa, kunyina naba omwe akati kabo iwakaamba kuti wakalubizya kubweza ntaamu eeyi. Nokuba boobo, zyintu nzyobaamba zitondezya kuti kanji-kanji kuli mapenzi amwi aaboola kwainda myeezi naa myaka kuzwa ciindi bantu nobalekana.

1 Penzi Lyamali

Kabajisi myaka iili 12 mucikwati cabo, ba Daniella ibakkala ku Italy bakazyiba kuti balumi babo bakali kweenda amukaintu umbi. Ba Daniella bakaamba kuti: “Ciindi nindakaazyiba makani aaya, mukaintu ooyu wakali kale ada lyamyeezi iili cisambomwe.”

Kabaandeene kwaciindi cili mbocibede, ba Daniella bakayeeya kuti balekane buyo abalumi babo. Bakaamba kuti: “Ndakasoleka kukkazika moyo kutegwa lukwatano lwesu luzumanane, pele balumi bangu bakazumanana kucita bumambe.” Ba Daniella balimvwa kuti bakacita kabotu kusala kuti balekane. Nokuba boobo baluula kuti: “Mbotwakaandaanina buyo, ndakatalika kupenga akaambo kakubula mali. Zimwi ziindi ndakali koona anzala. Ndakali kunywa buyo nkapu yamukupa.”

Ba Maria, ibakkala ku Spain, abalo bakapenga mbuli ba Daniella. Bakaamba kuti: “Balumi bangu mbotwakalekana limwi tabatupi mali aakuligwasya alimwi mali ngondijana ndibbadela zikwelete nzyobakasiya. Ndakasiya ŋanda mbotu akulongela mukaanda kasyoonto ikali kubusena kunyina bukwabilizi.”

Zyakuluula eezyi zitondezya kuti ikulekana kanji-kanji kupa bamakaintu kuba amapenzi aajatikizya mali. Alimwi buvwuntauzi ibwakacitwa mu Europe, ibwakatola myaka iili ciloba, bwakatondezya kuti ciindi banabukwetene nobalekana, bamaalumi balaba amali manji (alayungizyika a 11 pesenti) kwiinda ciindi kabatanalekana, pele kwakajanika kuti mali ngobajana bamakaintu inga alaceya kapati (ayaansi a 17 pesenti). Ba Mieke Jansen, ibakali kweendelezya buvwuntauzi oobu, bakaamba kuti: “Bamakaintu bamwi balakatazigwa kapati akaambo kakuti beelede kulanganya bana, kujana mulimo alimwi beelede kuliyumya mumapenzi aamumizeezo aaboola akaambo kakulekana.” Imuteende waku London uutegwa Daily Telegraph wakaamba kuti, kweelana ambobaamba basinkuta bamwi, buyumu-yumu oobu “bupa bantu kuliyeeya kabatana kwaandaana naa kulekana.”

 Icikonzya kucitika: Ikuti mwalekana, mulakonzya kuba apenzi lyamali. Alimwi inga kwayandika kulonga. Ikuti ndinywe muyakulela bana, cilakonzya kumukatazya kujana nzyomuyandika nywebo nobeni alimwi anzyobayandika bana benu.—1 Timoteo 5:8.

2 Makani Aakulela Bana

Ba Jane, ibakaintu bakkala ku Britain, bakaamba kuti: “Kutasyomeka kwabalumi bangu kwakandigambya kapati. Alimwi ndakausa kapati kuyeeya kuti bakaliyandila buya kutusiya.” Ba Jane bakasala kuti balekane buyo. Ambuli sunu basyoma kuti bakasala camaano, pele baamba kuti: “Buyumu-yumu bomwe mbondakajana mbwakuti ndakaba ndendime banyina alimwi abausyi bana. Ndime ndakeelede kusala zyoonse zyakucita.”

Oobu mbocakabede akuli ba Graciela, ibakkala ku Spain balo ibakalekana abalumi babo. Bakaamba kuti: “Ndime ndakapegwa mukuli wakulanganya mwaneesu musankwa iwakajisi myaka yakuzyalwa iili 16. Nokuba boobo, ciindi cabukubusi nciindi cikatazya kapati alimwi tiindakalibambilide kumulela endikke. Ndakali kulila masiku amasyikati. Ndakali kulimvwa mbuli kuti candaalila kulela mwana.”

Aabo bainzyanya kulela mwana balakonzya kujana buyumu-yumu abumbi—kuzuminana amuntu ngobakalekana limwi mutwaambo tukatazya kapati itujatikizya kuswaya mwana, kumupa nzyayandika, alimwi akumulaya. Ba Christine, bazyali ibakkala ku United States balo ibakalekana abalumi babo, bakaamba kuti: “Ikubelekela antoomwe amuntu ngomwakalekana limwi tacili cuuba-uba. Muciindi cili boobu kulaba kunyongana mumizeezo, alimwi ikuti tiiwacenjela ulakonzya kutalika kubelesya mwana kutegwa ujane ncoyanda.”

Icikonzya kucitika: Ibubambe bwakulela bana mboikonzya kubikka nkuta inga kamutabukkomanini. Ikuti kamwiinzyanya kulela mwana, mulakonzya kuteendelana angomwakalekana limwi mumakani aajatikizya kuswaya mwana, kumupa nzyayandika alimwi aambi buyo.

3 Ikulekana Mbokumujatikizya Nywebo Kumugama

Ba Mark, ibakkala ku Britain, bakatyompwa imukaintu wabo naakacita bumambi ziindi zyobilo.  Baamba kuti: “Ciindi cabili ndakaalilwa kuliyumya nkaambo ndakayeeya kuti andiza inga cacitika alimwi.” Bakamuleka mukaintu wabo, pele mumoyo bakacili kumuyanda. Bakaamba kuti: “Bantu nobaamba zyintu zibi kujatikizya nguwe bayeeya kuti balandigwasya, pele tacili boobo pe. Luyando talufwambaani kumana.”

Ba David, ibaambwa musyule oomu, abalo bakatyompwa kapati ciindi nobakazyiba kuti mukaintu wabo wakali kweenda amwaalumi umbi. Bakaamba kuti: “Kumatalikilo tiindakasyoma. Kwaamba masimpe ndakali kuyanda kuti katukkala antoomwe amukaintu wangu alimwi abana besu mubuumi bwesu boonse.” Ba David bakasala kuti balekane, pele eeci cakabapa kudooneka kujatikizya buumi bwabo bwakumbele. Bakaamba kuti: “Tandizyi naa kuli mukaintu uunga wandiyanda ncobeni naa ndiza eeci inga cacitika alimwi ikuti naa ndakwata umbi. Eeci cindipa kuti kanditabasyomi bamakaintu.”

Ikuti naa mwalekana, icilangilwa ncakuti muyakupenga mumizeezo. Mulakonzya kuti kamucimuyanda ngomwakali nyama yomwe. (Matalikilo 2:24) Kulubazu lumwi, mulakonzya kucimwa mwayeeya cakacitika. Ba Graciela, ibaambwa musyule oomu, bakaamba kuti: “Nokuba kuti kwainda myaka minji, inga kocinyongene mumizeezo, kocilimvwa kusampuka alimwi akutyompwa. Mulakonzya kuyeeya lukkomano ndomwakajisi mulukwatano lwenu, akutalika kuyeeya kuti: ‘Wakali kundaambila kuti tunookkala antoomwe lyoonse. Sena lyoonse wakali kundicenga? Ino nkaambo nzi eeci ncocakacitikila?’”

Icikonzya kucitika: Mulakonzya kuti kamucimvwide kucisa mumoyo akaambo kancaakacita ngomwakakwetene limwi. Zimwi ziindi mulakonzya kulendelelwa kapati.—Tusimpi 14:29; 18:1.

4 Ikulekana Mbokubajatikizya Bana

Ba José ibakkala ku Spain, balo ibakalekana abakaintu babo, bakaamba kuti: “Ndakatyompwa kapati kuti mulamwe wangu, mulumi wamusyoonto wangu, ngookali kweenda abakaintu bangu. Mane ndakalombozya kufwa buyo.” Ba José bakabona kuti bana babo basankwa bobilo—ibakajisi  myaka, muniini yobilo mpoonya mupati yone—bakanyongana kapati akaambo kancobakacita banyina. Bakaamba kuti: “Tiibakabuzyibila bukkale oobu pe. Tiibakali kumvwisya kaambo banyina ncobakaunkila kuyakukkala abaacisyanyina alimwi akaambo mebo ambabo ncotwakaunka kuyakukkala amucizyi wangu alimwi abamaama. Ikuti naa kuli nkondiyanda kuya, bakali kundibuzya kuti, ‘ino muyakuboola lili?’ naa kwaamba kuti, ‘Bataata mutatusiyi!’”

Bantu nobayanda kulekana, kanji-kanji balaluba kuti abalo bana balajatikizyigwa. Pele, ino mbuti kuti bazyali kabateendelani? Muciindi cili boobu, sena masimpe kuti kulekana “kulakonzya kubagwasya bana”? Mazuba aano banji balaukazya muzeezo ooyu—ikapati kuti twaambo tubapa kuzwangana tatuyi koomoonga. Ibbuku litegwa The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce lyaamba kuti: “Banabukwetene banji batakkali kabotu mulukwatano lwabo inga cabagambya kuzyiba kuti bana balo balikkomene. Balo tabakwe ndaba naa Banyina Abausyi tabooni bulo bomwe, balo ncobayanda ncakuti mukwasyi kuukkala antoomwe.”

Masimpe, kanji-kanji bana balazyiba kuti naa bazyali balazwangana alimwi eeci cilakonzya kubanyonganya kapati mumizeezo. Pele inga kwaba kulubizya kuyeeya kuti ikulekana kulakonzya kubagwasya bana. Mubbuku lyabo litegwa The Case for Marriage, ba Linda J. Waite aba Maggie Gallagher bakalemba kuti: “Ikukkala antoomwe kwabazyali kubagwasya kuti kabapa lulayo lweelede kubana babo lyoonse, nokuba kuti balo tabakkali kabotu mulukwatano lwabo.”

Icikonzya kucitika: Ikulekana kwenu nobazyali kulakonzya kubanyonganya bana, ikapati kuti kamutabakulwaizyi kuba acilongwe cibotu angomwakakwetene limwi.—Amubone kabbokesi kakuti “Kuba Akati-kati.”

Mucibalo eeci kwabandikwa zyintu zyone nzyomweelede kubikkila maano ciindi nomukanza kulekana. Mbuli mbokwaambwa kale, ikuti ngomukwetene limwi katasyomeki, ndinywe mweelede kusala cakucita. Kufwumbwa mbomunga mwasala, mweelede kuzyiba citiitobele. Mweelede kuzyiba mapenzi ngomulangilwa kujana alimwi kamulibambilide kwaalwana mapenzi aayo.

Nomwamana kwaalanga-langa makani aaya, ndiza mwalimvwa kuti cakusala cibotu nkubambulula lukwatano lwenu. Pele sena eeci cilakonzyeka?

Bupanduluzi buyungizidwe

[Kabbokesi kali apeeji 6]

“COOLWE NCAJISI MWANA UULI WOONSE”

“Nindakali amyaka iili yosanwe, bataata bakatalika kweenda amukaintu umwi ngobakali kubeleka limwi, alimwi eeci cakapa kuti balekane abamaama. Kujatikizya makani aakundilanganya, bakacita zyoonse zyakali ‘kuyandika’ kweelana ambozyakabede zyintu aciindi eeco. Bakandisyomezya kuti nokuba kuti balo tiibakacili kuyandana, mebo bakacili kundiyanda alimwi bataata nobakalonga bakaakukkala balikke kuŋanda imbi, pele boonse bobilo bakazumanana kundipa ziyandika zyakumubili.

“Nokwakainda myaka yobilo bamaama bakakwatwa kumbi, mpoonya twakalongela kucisi cimbi. Kuzwa waawo kwakali kwiinda myaka iili mboibede kuti tubonane abataata. Mumyaka iili fwuka yainda, ndakababona buyo ciindi comwe. Tiibakandibona mbondakali kuyaabukomena, alimwi tababazyi bana bangu botatwe—ibazyukulu babo—babazyiba buyo kwiinda mumagwalo ngondibalembela amuzifwoto nzyondibatumina. Bana bangu banyina coolwe cakubazyiba bakaapanyina.

“Akaambo kakulekana kwabazyali bangu, ndakakomena kandikatazyigwa mumizeezo. Cakali kundicisa kapati mumoyo, ndakali kutyompwa alimwi akulibilika pele tiindakalizyi cakali kundipa kulimvwa boobo. Tiindakali kubasyoma bamaalumi. Nindakakwanya myaka yakuma 30, mweenzuma uusimide wakandigwasya kuzyiba cakali kundipa kutabayanda bamaalumi aboobo ndakatalika kusolekesya kuti ndileke kulimvwa boobo.

“Ikulekana kwabazyali bangu kwakandiimya coolwe ncajisi mwana uuli woonse—ikulimvwa kukwabililwa. Munyika oomu tamukwe luyando alimwi mulayoosya, pele mebo ndibona kuti bubambe bwamukwasyi bulakwabilila, oomo mwana mwakonzya kulimvwa kuti ulayandwa alimwi akuumbulizyigwa. Ikuti mukwasyi wamwaika, abwalo bukwabilizi bulamwaika.”—Diane.

[Kabbokesi kali apeeji 7]

“KUBA AKATI-KATI”

“Bazyali bangu bakalekana nindakajisi myaka yakuzyalwa iili 12. Munzila imwi, ndakalimvwa kwaanguluka. Kwakaba luumuno aŋanda; kwakacinyina nkondo iili yoonse. Nokuba boobo, eeci cakali kundinyonganya mumizeezo.

“Nobakalekana bazyali bangu, ndakali kuyanda kuti kandimvwana ambabo boonse bobilo, alimwi ndakasoleka canguzu kuti nditalemeneni kulubazu lomwe. Nokuba kuti ndakali kusolekesya kucita boobo, lyoonse ndakali kulimvwa kuti ndili akati-kati. Bataata bakali kuyeeya kuti bamaama bayakundilesya kumvwana ambabo. Aboobo lyoonse ndakali kubaambila kuti bamaama kunyina nobakali kundiyunga kuti ndicite boobo. Abalo bamaama bakali kulibilika. Bakali kuyoowa kuti ambweni ndakali kuziswiilila zyintu zibi nzyobakali kundaambila bataata kujatikizya mbabo. Limwi ndakasika mpondilimvwa kuti tandeelede kukanana ambabo boonse bobilo kujatikizya mbondakali kulimvwa nkaambo tiindakali kuyanda kubanyemya. Kwaamba masimpe, kuzwa ciindi nindakajisi myaka yakuzyalwa iili 12 kuya kumbele, tiindakali kuyanda kwaambila muntu uuli woonse mbondakali kulimvwa kujatikizya kulekana kwabazyali bangu.”—Sandra.