Esemncinci, umntwana wakho usenokubona ukuba abanye abantu basebenzisa ibala labo okanye indawo abahlala kuyo njengesizathu sokuphatha abanye ngendlela eyahlukileyo. Ungamnceda njani umntwana wakho angaziboni sele ekhetha abanye ngenxa yohlanga lwabo? Ungathini xa yena ephathwa kakubi ngenxa yohlanga lwakhe?

Kweli nqaku

•  Indlela yokuncokola nabantwana ngocalucalulo

•  Indlela yokucacisela abantwana ngocalucalulo

•  Indlela yokuba ngumzekelo

•  Ukuba umntwana wakho uphathwa kakubi ngumntu onocalucalulo

 Into onokumcacisela yona. Kukho abantu abaninzi abangafaniyo namasiko ohlukeneyo amaninzi emhlabeni wonke. Oku kungafani kuye kwenza abanye abantu babaphatha kakubi abanye ngenxa yendlela abayiyo nabenza ngayo izinto.

 Kodwa, iBhayibhile isifundisa ukuba bonke abantu baphuma kumntu omnye. Ngamanye amazwi, sonke siyazalana.

 “Thina sabona ukuba xa abantwana bethu bechitha ixesha nabantu bolunye uhlanga, babetsho bazibonele ngokwabo ukuba wonke umntu udinga ukuphathwa ngothando nangentlonipho.”—UKaren.

 Kungekudala, umntwana wakho uza kuva iindaba okanye amabali wabantu abaphatha kakubi abanye ngenxa yocalucalulo, bade bophule nomthetho. Ungamcacisela njani le nto yenzekayo? Loo nto ixhomekeke ekubeni uneminyaka emingaphi.

•   Abantwana abangekayi esikolweni. UGqr. Allison Briscoe-Smith ocatshulwe kwimagazini ethi Parents uthi: “Abantwana abancinci bayakwazi ukubona into elungileyo nengalunganga. Loo nto ingakunceda ukwazi ukuthetha nabo ngokungabikho kobulungisa.”

•   Abantwana abaqalisa isikolo. Abantwana abaphakathi kweminyaka eyi-6 neyi-12 bayathanda ukwazi, ibe ngamanye amaxesha baye babuze imibuzo enzima. Yiphendule le mibuzo kangangoko unako. Thetha nabantwana bakho ngezinto abazibona esikolweni, kwiTV, nakwi-intanethi uze ubacacisele indlela ekungalunganga ngayo ukuba nocalucalulo nomkhethe.

•   Abantwana abana-13 ukuya ku-19. Kulula ukuba abantwana abaselula baziqonde izinto ezingathi zinzima. Ngoko loo nto ingakunceda ukwazi ukuthetha nomntwana oselula ngeendaba ezithetha ngocalucalulo.

 “Siye sincokole nabantwana bethu ngocalucalulo kuba ekuhambeni kwexesha baza kulubona okanye lwenzeke kubo, noba bahlala phi. Ukuba abafundiswa ngalo ekhaya, bangaqalisa ukucinga njengabantu abadibana nabo abanomkhethe. Abantu baza kubaqhatha abantwana bethu, benze ngathi loo nto bayithethayo yinyani.”—UTanya.

 Abantwana bafunda ngokubona izinto ezenziwa ngabazali, ngoko kubalulekile ukuba umzali azihoye izinto azithethayo nazenzayo. Ngokomzekelo:

•   Ngaba udla ngokuhlekisa ngabantu bolunye uhlanga okanye uthethe kakubi ngabo? Intlangano ekuthiwa yiAmerican Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry ithi, “Abantwana bakho babukela indlela owenza nothetha ngayo ibe ngokuzenzekelayo baza kukulinganisa.”

•   Ngaba uyakuthanda ukuhlala nabantu bakwamanye amazwe? UAlanna Nzoma onguGqirha wabantwana uthi: “Ukuba ufuna abantwana bakho . . . bavane nabantu abasuka kwezinye iindawo, kufuneka babone apha kuwe kuqala.”

 “Kule minyaka idlulileyo, njengentsapho siye samkela iindwendwe ezisuka kwiindawo ezahlukeneyo. Siye safunda ngokutya kwabo, umculo wabo, sade sanxiba neempahla ezinxitywa kwiindawo zabo. Xa sithetha nabantwana bethu ngabantu, sasingayihoyi tu into yokuba babololuphi uhlanga. Ibe sasiqiniseka ukuba indlela esizenza ngayo izinto asiyenzi ibe ngathi yeyona ibhetele.”—UKatarina.

 Nangona abantu abaninzi besoloko bethetha ngokuba abantu bayafana, luseluninzi kakhulu ucalucalulo emhlabeni. Le nto ithetha ukuba umntwana wakho usenokuphathwa kakubi ukuba ukwiqela labantu abajongelwa phantsi. Ukuba loo nto iyenzeka . . .

 Yazi eyona nyani. Ngaba loo mntu umphethe kakubi ngabom okanye wenze engacinganga? (Yakobi 3:2) Ngaba kufuneka kuthethwe naye ngaloo nto ayenzileyo okanye unokukwazi ukuyiyeka idlule?

 Kucacile ukuba kubalulekile ukuba siziqonde kakuhle izinto. IBhayibhile isinika icebiso elincedayo kuba ithi: “Sukukhawuleza ukucaphuka.” (INtshumayeli 7:9) Ucalucalulo yingxaki ekhoyo nyhani, kodwa loo nto ayithethi kuba qho xa kukho umntu okuphatha kakubi okanye othetha kakubi nawe, uyakucaphukela ngenxa yohlanga lwakho.

 Ewe kona, iimeko azifani, ngoko kubalulekile ukuba wazi ukuba kwenzeke ntoni kanye kanye ngaphambi kokuba ugqibe ngento oza kuyenza.

 Emva kokuba uvile ukuba kwenzeke ntoni kanye kanye, zibuze:

•   ‘Ukuba umntwana wam usoloko ecinga ukuba wonke umntu uyamkhetha ibe qho xa kukho umntu othetha kakubi naye kungenxa yohlanga lwakhe, ngaba loo nto iza kumnceda?’

•   ‘Ngaba umntwana wam kungamnceda ukuthobela icebiso leBhayibhile elithi: “Sukuyihoya yonke into ethethwa ngabantu”?’—INtshumayeli 7:21.

 Uza kuthini ukuba kubonakala ngathi umntwana wakho ukhathazwe ngabom? Nceda umntwana wakho aqonde ukuba indlela enza ngayo xa ephethwe kakubi inokwenza kube bhetele okanye kube kubi kakhulu. Ngamanye amaxesha, abantu abahlekisa ngabanye okanye babaxhaphaze okanye babaphathe kakubi bafuna ukujonga ukuba loo mntu uza kuthini. Xa kunjalo, eyona nto anokuyenza kukuvele ayiyeke igqithe okanye angamhoyi.

 Kwelinye icala, ukuba umntwana wakho akazukungena ngxakini, angathetha nalo mntu umkhathazileyo. Umntwana wakho usenokuthi kulo mntu (ethetha naye kakuhle), “Indikhathazile into oyithethileyo (okanye oyenzileyo).”

 Uza kuthini ukuba ucinga ngokuyixela loo nto yenziweyo? Ukuba umntwana wakho akakhuselekanga okanye unesizathu sokuba ungafuni iyekwe nje idlule loo nto, ungaya kwiititshala esikolweni okanye emapoliseni ukuba kunyanzelekile.